How to Sound Assertive Quickly – 11 Tips To Speak Confidently At Work
Learn exactly how to sound assertive at work. When you speak confidently and assertively, you are more likely to communicate clearly, constructively and get your message heard, taken in and understood. When you communicate with aggressive, passive or passive aggressive styles, your message is much more likely to be lost or be unclear or not be taken in by the other person.
How to Sound Assertive Quickly – 11 Tips To Speak Confidently At Work
- Be aware of your intent behind the communication plus what exactly we mean by assertive communicate
- 4 ways to develop an assertive style of communication
- 7 ways to deliver your message assertively
The more clearly you communicate, the more likely you will get what you want, and the more professionally and confidently you will come across. Your ability to communicate clearly, concisely and without emotional baggage, is a big factor in progressing your career. The higher you want to climb, the better your communication needs to be to get the job you want.
Speaking assertively and confidently is a skill that needs practice. Please put all the tips for confident communication I cover into practice. Start with one tip. Get into the swing of practicing that tip and then add another. Keep practicing.
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1 – to sound assertive quickly work at being aware of your intent behind the communication
Before we talk about intent, I think it is important to quickly define 4 different communication styles – passive, aggressive, assertive and passive aggressive.
Those using a passive style rarely say what is on their mind. They don’t express themselves clearly and often quietly accept other people’s positions. There are lots of blockers behind using this style such as fear, wanting to avoid conflict or a lack of confidence.
Those using an aggressive style want to control those they are speaking to. They seek to dominate others, use blame, attacks and put downs to silence others or push them to do what the speak wants. The language they use includes a lot of the word “you”. “You are at fault for …., “This is late because of you”, “You are to blame…”
Those using an assertive style are direct AND respectful of the other person. The say what is on their mind without fluff or emotional baggage. They are respectful of other’s opinions. They use a lot of “I” in their language. “I disagree with that approach …”, or “I want to clarify…”. Or “I need more information…”
Those using a passive aggressive style don’t speak up directly. They poorly hide their feelings, and hold onto feelings of anger, frustration etc and let these leak out. They might make sarcastic comments, mutter under their breath, complain, or gossip with others rather than speaking up directly.
Mindset
Put yourself into an assertive frame of mind. Focus on controlling what and how you communicate. You are not trying to control the other person, silence them or dominate them. Value and respect their views and opinions and be open minded going into the conversation. You are also going to say what you think, clearly and respectfully.
Be calm, aware and in control of your own emotions. This mindset is essential for how to communicate assertively, without being aggressive.
2 – for how to sound assertive quickly – 4 ways to develop an assertive style of communication
Assertive language is direct language. Assertive language is clear, concise and to the point. Your communication should be more factual or evidenced based rather than holding emotional content. Assertive language has a lot less verbal deference in it.
1 – Say Less
The first tip for how to be assertive and confident, is to condense your message down to the bare bones of what you want to get across. Say what you need as directly as possible. Remove any language that might get an emotional response in the other person e.g. blame. A good way to do this is write down your talking points. Remove emotional language. Condense it. Then go away and do something else. Come back and revise your talking points again. In private, practice saying it aloud and hear what the message sounds like. Go away again if needed and repeat this process.
2 – Be Factual
The second tip to sound assertive quickly is to focus your message on factual information or evidenced information rather than opinion led information. Firstly, facts are harder to dispute, ignore etc. Factual communication styles don’t create emotional reactions in the listener. A factual style sounds like “According to last quarter’s report, our customers…” rather than saying “I think our customers…”
3 – Use a Lot of “I” Language
The third tip is to use a lot of “I” language focusing on your own thoughts and feelings. Some examples – “I want to clarify the deadline so we’re aligned” or “I‘d like to explore this problem in more detail before we move on”, or “I am confident this solution will address the issue”
4 – Reduce Verbal Deference
The fourth of the tips to talk confidently at work is to remove or reduce the verbal deference in what you say. Verbal deference is showing your respect of the other person through the language you use. Some examples “If you don’t mind…”, or “With your permission…” or “Please correct me if I am mistaken…”. If you are speaking to your boss, reduce but don’t remove completely the verbal deference in your language. Reduce verbal deference to sound assertive.
To learn how to be assertive and speak powerfully, write down what you want to communicate or say. Then condense this down so you get your message across as directly as possible. You don’t beat around the bush, don’t hedge your message or don’t apologise in the message. You are specific not vague in how you communicate to the other person. Remove emotional language.
When you have your talking points, as concise as possible, speak them aloud and listen to how it sounds. Go back and revise your talking points. Repeat until you are happy. Keep practicing and this process gets quicker and quicker, until you find yourself naturally thinking and speaking assertively at work. Practicing in this way is great for how to be assertive when communicating, without being aggressive.
3 – to speak confidently at work: 7 ways to deliver your message more assertively
To deliver you message confidently, think about how you use your voice and how you use your facial expressions and body language.
1 – Pace of Voice
The first of our tips to instantly sound more confident when speaking is work on keeping a medium pace of voice. To speak clearly, speak a little slower than you might naturally. A slightly slower pace gives you space to form all your words clearly and makes your message easier to understand and take in for the other person.
2 – Project Your Voice
Project your voice so that it is easy for your audience to hear you. Match the volume to the distance and room you are in. When speaking one-on-one, your voice can be softer than when you are speaking to a group in a meeting room, where you should project your voice much more.
3 – Use Pauses Well
Thirdly, to emphasise the key points, speak them more slowly and leave a pause after each of the key points.
4 – Eye Contact
Look at the person you are speaking to and maintain good eye contact while speaking WITHOUT being aggressive or intimidating. Keep a consistent visual connection with them.
5 – Facial Expressions
Keep your facial expression open and relatively neutral. Don’t smile too much or be too positive in expression to be assertive. Smiling and positivity are deferential behaviours.
6 – Posture
Hold yourself upright and tall, with your back straight regardless if you are sitting or standing. Hold your head upright. Don’t stoop or make yourself physically smaller when communicating assertively.
7 – Alignment
Match the emotions in your voice and body language to the message you are communicating. Alignment of all the different ways you communicate verbally and non-verbally makes it a lot easier for the other person to accept, take in and understand your message. If you don’t have alignment, the other person is confused and doesn’t take in – or doesn’t trust – what you are saying
Practice in front of a mirror or film yourself speaking and review. It does take practice to control and manage how you speak and what you communicate non-verbally. The more practice you put in the better and more confidently you will speak and deliver your message to others. Practice, practice, practice.
In summary
I have given you 11 tips for how to sound assertive quickly. You are probably doing many of them already. Ask yourself how you can improve what you are currently doing and incorporate the tips which you are not yet doing. You can always do more to improve how you communicate. I am still working hard at it after several decades of leading many teams and businesses.
If you are a leader, a board director or senior manager and are looking to improve how assertively and confidently you speak and communicate, click here to explore coaching options
If you have any questions on “How to Sound Assertive Quickly – 11 Tips To Speak Confidently At Work”, please email me at support@enhance.training and I will get back to you
I struggled for years to speak assertively. I was shy and stumbled over my words. It took me years in the workplace to feel confident speaking to groups of people. It took me many years to learn and start using all the tips I have shared with you today.
Put them into practice and your journey to speaking assertively and confidently will be a LOT shorter than mine. The more assertively you speak and communicate, the more you will achieve as a manager at work.
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